Is Gay Cloning next? December 1st, 2001
By Michael Paré, Toronto ON
Have you seen this weeks news? Cloning is a hot topic again. It seems like only 1997 when we were confusing the whole "Dolly" cloning news with gossip about our favorite country and western singer. It turns out that this Dolly was a sheep and now we're moving onto cloning humans. Are you ready for your clone?
The real issue is that on Wednesday, November 28, 2001, researchers at Advanced Cell Technology of Worcester, Mass., announced on Sunday that they had created a clone of a human embryo because several other researchers have entered the cloning race. At least a handful of other scientists around the world are believed to be working on cloning human embryos for research purposes, according to experts familiar with the field. Some researchers, however, have far more controversial goals in mind. Kentucky fertility specialist Panayiotis Zavos, along with Severino Antinori of Italy, are working to clone a human baby. The group expects to clone an embryo within six months.
People generally freak the hell out when cloning is mentioned. There is a fear that it will be used to weed out "undesirable" people and create some sort of homogenized Nazi master race. They say this is contrary to God or nature's plan for humanity. It's silly that these same people don't make much of a fuss about the other human-made plans like fertility drugs, capital punishment or even birth control. It seems that if you want to ban one for being unnatural, you need to ban them all. As an option, that would totally suck too.
Gays are especially vocal on cloning issues, fearing that people are trying to take them out of the gene pool. Every time cloning comes up in the news, gays get their panties more in a bunch, than while wearing boxers on the Stairmaster. We think it's a whole lot of worry for nothing.
The world needs homos. A world without gays, would be a world without braided belts or body building; Swatches or slipper chairs; torn jeans or track lighting. And if it weren't for the support of their gay fans, Madonna, Midler amd Spears would be singing "Feelings" in some Marriott cocktail lounge. Image a world without the Sistine Chapel, Anything Goes or Moby-Dick, all creations of gay men. Name a trend, and chances are that gays played a big role in launching it. Would people want to live in a world where their waiters and fashion designers were heterosexual? We don't think so. What would straight women do without gay men to explain to them, what their boyfriends were thinking, when they bought her that wheelbarrow for Christmas? Gays have roles to fill that are necessary to the success of humanity as a whole.
Besides, if scientists went looking for an ideal male to clone, they might end up picking a circuit queen. These guys tend to have perfectly built bodies and look great. Many have high-powered intellectual jobs that allow them to afford flying all over the world attending circuit parties. As a bonus, most also have a high tolerance to toxic and addictive chemicals. We think those qualities would be chosen over those, of all the old white guys in the Canadian Senate, don't you?
The perfect woman might also be gay. If there was to be a master race, shouldn't it consist of women who can raise children, run board meetings, change a flat tire and still be sensitive enough to cry at sappy movies? Humanity would be a hell of a lot more productive if lesbians were in charge.
If we were better at reproducing, we could do the world a great service by cloning ourselves.
If we had our way, We would be weeding out the undesirable characteristics of the straights. We would find the gene for appreciation of the Dave Matthews Band and zap it right off. We would locate the sequence for minivans and have it removed. We would clear the planet of the Wolf Blitzers and Ron Popeils. And we would have enough sense to make extra copies of the only Dolly that matters.
By Michael Paré, Toronto ON
Originally published on Toronto Digital Queeries
Have you seen this weeks news? Cloning is a hot topic again. It seems like only 1997 when we were confusing the whole "Dolly" cloning news with gossip about our favorite country and western singer. It turns out that this Dolly was a sheep and now we're moving onto cloning humans. Are you ready for your clone?
The real issue is that on Wednesday, November 28, 2001, researchers at Advanced Cell Technology of Worcester, Mass., announced on Sunday that they had created a clone of a human embryo because several other researchers have entered the cloning race. At least a handful of other scientists around the world are believed to be working on cloning human embryos for research purposes, according to experts familiar with the field. Some researchers, however, have far more controversial goals in mind. Kentucky fertility specialist Panayiotis Zavos, along with Severino Antinori of Italy, are working to clone a human baby. The group expects to clone an embryo within six months.
People generally freak the hell out when cloning is mentioned. There is a fear that it will be used to weed out "undesirable" people and create some sort of homogenized Nazi master race. They say this is contrary to God or nature's plan for humanity. It's silly that these same people don't make much of a fuss about the other human-made plans like fertility drugs, capital punishment or even birth control. It seems that if you want to ban one for being unnatural, you need to ban them all. As an option, that would totally suck too.
Gays are especially vocal on cloning issues, fearing that people are trying to take them out of the gene pool. Every time cloning comes up in the news, gays get their panties more in a bunch, than while wearing boxers on the Stairmaster. We think it's a whole lot of worry for nothing.
The world needs homos. A world without gays, would be a world without braided belts or body building; Swatches or slipper chairs; torn jeans or track lighting. And if it weren't for the support of their gay fans, Madonna, Midler amd Spears would be singing "Feelings" in some Marriott cocktail lounge. Image a world without the Sistine Chapel, Anything Goes or Moby-Dick, all creations of gay men. Name a trend, and chances are that gays played a big role in launching it. Would people want to live in a world where their waiters and fashion designers were heterosexual? We don't think so. What would straight women do without gay men to explain to them, what their boyfriends were thinking, when they bought her that wheelbarrow for Christmas? Gays have roles to fill that are necessary to the success of humanity as a whole.
Besides, if scientists went looking for an ideal male to clone, they might end up picking a circuit queen. These guys tend to have perfectly built bodies and look great. Many have high-powered intellectual jobs that allow them to afford flying all over the world attending circuit parties. As a bonus, most also have a high tolerance to toxic and addictive chemicals. We think those qualities would be chosen over those, of all the old white guys in the Canadian Senate, don't you?
The perfect woman might also be gay. If there was to be a master race, shouldn't it consist of women who can raise children, run board meetings, change a flat tire and still be sensitive enough to cry at sappy movies? Humanity would be a hell of a lot more productive if lesbians were in charge.
If we were better at reproducing, we could do the world a great service by cloning ourselves.
If we had our way, We would be weeding out the undesirable characteristics of the straights. We would find the gene for appreciation of the Dave Matthews Band and zap it right off. We would locate the sequence for minivans and have it removed. We would clear the planet of the Wolf Blitzers and Ron Popeils. And we would have enough sense to make extra copies of the only Dolly that matters.
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